Rites Research and Recommendations
Honoring Life Stages, Transitions and Threshold Moments
Considering consciously co-creating your family culture, core values, habits, wishes (in short):
- Clarify and articulate your core family values, wishes, and non-negotiable boundaries
- Meals and the culture you create around them (Gratitude or blessing? Screens? Sitting together? Conversation?)
- Screen time and cell phones, when they help and when they hurt
- Nature connection time that grows meaningful relationships, understandings and capacities
- Empathy, stress, anger
- Sleep and plenty of it
- Adolescent development, understand life stages and rite of passages
- Healthy attachments, Soul tasks and conscious steps on a maturing path
- Healing issues with love, sexuality and power
- Meals and the culture you create around them (Gratitude or blessing? Screens? Sitting together? Conversation?)
- Screen time and cell phones, when they help and when they hurt
- Nature connection time that grows meaningful relationships, understandings and capacities
- Empathy, stress, anger
- Sleep and plenty of it
- Adolescent development, understand life stages and rite of passages
- Healthy attachments, Soul tasks and conscious steps on a maturing path
- Healing issues with love, sexuality and power
Videos:
One Minute Puberty: https://youtu.be/zCxxLY73nBE
Warrior Films mini-doc: http://www.warriorfilms.org/rites-of-passage/
Warrior Films short: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6y6AtWycao&index=2&list=PLjdQkC27qGIt3j4m2mK6gRo_Mr8S2btda
A New Metaphor for Healthy Sex: https://www.ted.com/talks/al_vernacchio_sex_needs_a_new_metaphor_here_s_one?nolanguage=e
Coming of Age on Olympic Peninsula: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsEKLwZ6ehk
Lost Borders: Coming of Age in the Wilderness: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2OX299n788
Stepping Stones Project: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzoR486esGo&index=5&list=PLjdQkC27qGIt3j4m2mK6gRo_Mr8S2btda
Surfing the Creative: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WU3GVKrT3xs&list=PLjdQkC27qGIt3j4m2mK6gRo_Mr8S2btda
YMAW: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9-WrLqR1Pc&index=7&list=PLjdQkC27qGIt3j4m2mK6gRo_Mr8S2btda
TEDx on micronutrients: https://www.madinamerica.com/2014/11/julias-tedx-talk-time-get-serious/
Warrior Films mini-doc: http://www.warriorfilms.org/rites-of-passage/
Warrior Films short: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6y6AtWycao&index=2&list=PLjdQkC27qGIt3j4m2mK6gRo_Mr8S2btda
A New Metaphor for Healthy Sex: https://www.ted.com/talks/al_vernacchio_sex_needs_a_new_metaphor_here_s_one?nolanguage=e
Coming of Age on Olympic Peninsula: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsEKLwZ6ehk
Lost Borders: Coming of Age in the Wilderness: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2OX299n788
Stepping Stones Project: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzoR486esGo&index=5&list=PLjdQkC27qGIt3j4m2mK6gRo_Mr8S2btda
Surfing the Creative: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WU3GVKrT3xs&list=PLjdQkC27qGIt3j4m2mK6gRo_Mr8S2btda
YMAW: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9-WrLqR1Pc&index=7&list=PLjdQkC27qGIt3j4m2mK6gRo_Mr8S2btda
TEDx on micronutrients: https://www.madinamerica.com/2014/11/julias-tedx-talk-time-get-serious/
Dr. Gabor Mate on managing stress, the truth of addiction, AD(H)D, power
Power of Addiction as a longing for inner light and belonging: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66cYcSak6nE
ADD, it's a natural response to stress: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsCwq2UCt3A
Specialty topics: https://drgabormate.com/topic/
The Need for Authenticty: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUGGNPAK6uw
Acting Out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2teDJJy6Fc
ADD, it's a natural response to stress: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsCwq2UCt3A
Specialty topics: https://drgabormate.com/topic/
The Need for Authenticty: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUGGNPAK6uw
Acting Out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2teDJJy6Fc
Dr. Gordon Neufeld’s work on healthy attachment and separation anxiety:
In short, we are all born into families and naturally bond-connect with members of them. The ways a child attaches to a parent (or wasn’t able to) has a strong influence on how they tend to attach (or avoid attachment) with others throughout life. Anxiety is simply an alarm call of facing separation. It’s best to support the root cause of anxiety (feeling separate) not just the symptoms. Check it out:
Yelling, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_P2Tvx5aQM
Anxiety (short), https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RuRB0jfcc-U
1 Reduce separation, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFBVN2O1-ns
2 Provide sense of safety, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBg08G6f-Qo
3 Foster acceptance, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8cs6zEqHuzo
4 Bring relief from alarm, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xH-yCqFgEjo
5 Cultivate courage by…, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFfyJhWIhco
Anxiety (long), https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hymwvaZ9oKg
Making parenting easier, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcaMsZrElnE
…It’s not all genetics to blame, not just from teaching-learning, not just parenting skills or style, not a result of what you do, nor assuming responsibility as a parent, nor a result of just your love.
…The key is the love of the child for the parent. Parenting is easiest when the child listens to, follows, looks up to, is at home with, feels safe with, respects, trusts the parent. Otherwise parenting is challenged.
Yelling, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_P2Tvx5aQM
Anxiety (short), https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RuRB0jfcc-U
1 Reduce separation, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFBVN2O1-ns
2 Provide sense of safety, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBg08G6f-Qo
3 Foster acceptance, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8cs6zEqHuzo
4 Bring relief from alarm, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xH-yCqFgEjo
5 Cultivate courage by…, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFfyJhWIhco
Anxiety (long), https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hymwvaZ9oKg
Making parenting easier, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcaMsZrElnE
…It’s not all genetics to blame, not just from teaching-learning, not just parenting skills or style, not a result of what you do, nor assuming responsibility as a parent, nor a result of just your love.
…The key is the love of the child for the parent. Parenting is easiest when the child listens to, follows, looks up to, is at home with, feels safe with, respects, trusts the parent. Otherwise parenting is challenged.
Dr. Arne Rubinstein on "The Making of Men"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rC5GR3Q1ZWI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XATzEbDrPCQ
· At puberty, sons away with fathers, elders, daughters away with mothers too, ideally in wild nature…
· Adults tell stories about their coming of age, about their relationships with parents, about fears, hopes, dreams, real open conversations with each other, with them…
· Created challenges for them, wild solo, fire, long walk, while we are there witnessing them, supporting them going through that challenge. They don’t have to do it themselves…
· Recognizing that every one of them is different, genius, spirit, gifts. It’s our job to see and love them for who they are, help them feel valued and respected.
· Value the relationship more than the problems to solve
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XATzEbDrPCQ
· At puberty, sons away with fathers, elders, daughters away with mothers too, ideally in wild nature…
· Adults tell stories about their coming of age, about their relationships with parents, about fears, hopes, dreams, real open conversations with each other, with them…
· Created challenges for them, wild solo, fire, long walk, while we are there witnessing them, supporting them going through that challenge. They don’t have to do it themselves…
· Recognizing that every one of them is different, genius, spirit, gifts. It’s our job to see and love them for who they are, help them feel valued and respected.
· Value the relationship more than the problems to solve
Books and Articles:
“Hold on To Your Kids, Why Parents Matter More Than Peers”, Neufeld and Mate
"Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding can Help you Raise Children Who Thrive" Siegel, Hartzell
"Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder" Richard Louv
“Nature and the Human Soul”, Bill Plotkin
"Coyote’s Guide to Connecting with Nature" Jon Young, Ellen Haas, Evan McGown
“Betwixt and Between”, Mahdi, Foster and Little
“Iron John”, Robert Bly
“Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood”, William Pollack
“Raising Cain”, Dr Dan Kindlon and Dr Michael Thompson
“Nature Principle”, Richard Louv
“Crossroads: The Quest for Contemporary Rites of Passages”, Meade, Christopher, Mahdi
“Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain”, Daniel Siegel
“Hold Me Tight”, Levine
“Simplicity Parenting”, Payne and Ross
“Parenting with Love and Logic”, Cline and Fay
http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2016/04/boys-men-and-father-wound.html?m=1
http://www.projecthappiness.org/24059/
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2016/03/16/the-best-way-to-fight-with-a-teenager/?_r=0
"Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding can Help you Raise Children Who Thrive" Siegel, Hartzell
"Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder" Richard Louv
“Nature and the Human Soul”, Bill Plotkin
"Coyote’s Guide to Connecting with Nature" Jon Young, Ellen Haas, Evan McGown
“Betwixt and Between”, Mahdi, Foster and Little
“Iron John”, Robert Bly
“Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood”, William Pollack
“Raising Cain”, Dr Dan Kindlon and Dr Michael Thompson
“Nature Principle”, Richard Louv
“Crossroads: The Quest for Contemporary Rites of Passages”, Meade, Christopher, Mahdi
“Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain”, Daniel Siegel
“Hold Me Tight”, Levine
“Simplicity Parenting”, Payne and Ross
“Parenting with Love and Logic”, Cline and Fay
http://journeytomanhood.blogspot.com/2016/04/boys-men-and-father-wound.html?m=1
http://www.projecthappiness.org/24059/
http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2016/03/16/the-best-way-to-fight-with-a-teenager/?_r=0
Affiliates and Inspirations:
Rites of Passage Journey’s, http://riteofpassagejourneys.org/
Youth Passageways, http://youthpassageways.org/resources/
Stepping Stones Project on facebook, https://www.facebook.com/TheSteppingStonesProject/?fref=ts
Hand In Hand Parenting builds meaningful connections, an attachment-based approach, HandInHandParenting.org
Taylor Ross, thepracticeofparenting.com
Richard Rohr’s meditations on initiation
Buckeye Gathering: http://buckeyegathering.net/
Art of Mentoring to unplug together: https://www.weavingearth.com/we-programs/art-of-mentoring-2/
Black Friday or #OptOutside: http://www.childrenandnature.org/2016/11/18/state-parks-waiving-fees-on-november-25/
Children and Nature Network on ADHD, search results: http://www.childrenandnature.org/?s=adhd
Children and Nature Network on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/childrenandnatur
Youth Passageways, http://youthpassageways.org/resources/
Stepping Stones Project on facebook, https://www.facebook.com/TheSteppingStonesProject/?fref=ts
Hand In Hand Parenting builds meaningful connections, an attachment-based approach, HandInHandParenting.org
Taylor Ross, thepracticeofparenting.com
Richard Rohr’s meditations on initiation
Buckeye Gathering: http://buckeyegathering.net/
Art of Mentoring to unplug together: https://www.weavingearth.com/we-programs/art-of-mentoring-2/
Black Friday or #OptOutside: http://www.childrenandnature.org/2016/11/18/state-parks-waiving-fees-on-november-25/
Children and Nature Network on ADHD, search results: http://www.childrenandnature.org/?s=adhd
Children and Nature Network on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/childrenandnatur
KQED Forum discussions on adolescence and teens:
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2016/01/01/rebroadcast-managing-your-kids-screen-time/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2016/03/25/peggy-orenstein-digs-into-the-complicated-new-landscape-of-girls-and-sex/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2015/07/13/study-metalheads-turn-out-ok/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2015/01/29/palo-altos-gunn-high-school-reels-from-teen-suicides/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2013/07/05/parenting-tips-for-changing-kids-behavior-without-screaming/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2013/04/01/teens-texting-and-online-behavior/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2012/10/24/outrage-over-high-schools-fantasy-slut-league/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2012/09/04/emotions-making-sense-of-your-feelings/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2011/11/08/teen-sexual-harassment/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2010/12/07/emotional-kids/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2010/03/31/bullying-and-schools/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2009/12/15/teens-and-sexting/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2009/10/27/teen-suicide/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2008/03/20/teenage-girls-and-stds/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2007/02/09/teen-suicide-2/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2006/03/01/teen-depression-and-suicide/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2015/10/07/comprehensive-sex-ed-now-mandatory-for-californias-middle-and-high-school-students/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2015/05/25/how-to-get-kids-away-from-screens-and-into-nature/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2015/03/11/study-links-certain-types-of-praise-to-narcissistic-kids/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2015/01/26/dan-savage-on-love-sex-parenting-and-helping-lgbt-youth/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2015/01/01/rebroadcast-are-todays-kids-overprotected/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2014/11/18/what-parents-and-teachers-should-know-about-educational-video-games/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2014/05/06/author-alfie-kohn-on-the-myth-of-the-spoiled-child/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2014/04/29/what-lies-behind-the-adhd-explosion/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2016/03/25/peggy-orenstein-digs-into-the-complicated-new-landscape-of-girls-and-sex/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2015/07/13/study-metalheads-turn-out-ok/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2015/01/29/palo-altos-gunn-high-school-reels-from-teen-suicides/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2013/07/05/parenting-tips-for-changing-kids-behavior-without-screaming/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2013/04/01/teens-texting-and-online-behavior/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2012/10/24/outrage-over-high-schools-fantasy-slut-league/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2012/09/04/emotions-making-sense-of-your-feelings/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2011/11/08/teen-sexual-harassment/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2010/12/07/emotional-kids/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2010/03/31/bullying-and-schools/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2009/12/15/teens-and-sexting/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2009/10/27/teen-suicide/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2008/03/20/teenage-girls-and-stds/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2007/02/09/teen-suicide-2/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2006/03/01/teen-depression-and-suicide/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2015/10/07/comprehensive-sex-ed-now-mandatory-for-californias-middle-and-high-school-students/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2015/05/25/how-to-get-kids-away-from-screens-and-into-nature/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2015/03/11/study-links-certain-types-of-praise-to-narcissistic-kids/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2015/01/26/dan-savage-on-love-sex-parenting-and-helping-lgbt-youth/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2015/01/01/rebroadcast-are-todays-kids-overprotected/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2014/11/18/what-parents-and-teachers-should-know-about-educational-video-games/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2014/05/06/author-alfie-kohn-on-the-myth-of-the-spoiled-child/
https://ww2.kqed.org/forum/2014/04/29/what-lies-behind-the-adhd-explosion/